Flowers and Chocolate

I was walking away from my Philosophy test (which I actually did ok on) this morning carrying flowers and chocolates and a sweet card from my dear friend Elle and I was thinking about how I don't deserve all the blessings that have been heaped on me this week. Seriously, all week people have been giving me flowers and chocolate and coffee and buying me lunches and dinners and just treating me like a Princess. There is no way that I am a good enough friend to deserve all of these things! I started thinking about all the ways in which I had failed to be a good friend, and was just so amazed that people still love me and wanted to bless me on my birthday. 

Then it dawned on me... "This is how I'm supposed to feel all the time!" I don't deserve eternal life, I didn't deserve the blood of Jesus and his unfailing love. In spite of who I am he gave it to me, and loves me fully. He cloaks me in righteousness and its because of who he is that I get to live life experiencing joy. Just like I didn't do anything to deserve gifts from my friends and family, but they chose to bless me anyways, I haven't done anything to deserve Jesus, and he did it anyways. Because I didn't do anything to earn his love, I can't do anything to lose his love. I've been walking around feeling like I'm just failing everyone and everything, and that people are disappointed in me... but the truth is, Jesus chose to cloak me in his unfailing love and he's not disappointed in me, in fact, he's proud of me. Everyday I should feel overwhelmed at the gifts that have been given to me. Everyday I should be filled with gratitude that Jesus loves me, and I should be filled with joy. I don't know why I ever fear that I won't have enough, that I won't be provided for... Not only does Jesus provide the meat and potatoes, the necessities of life, but he showers us with chocolate and wine and all the good gifts. He doesn't just give us the bare necessities to survive, he provides abundant life. 

I have been walking around with this mindset that "Jesus will give me what I need to get through this, he'll give me enough energy to get through this sickness, he'll give me the grades I need to go where he wants me to go, he'll provide the job I need..." and those things are true, he will provide all that I need, but he provides so much more than just what I "need." I don't need flowers and chocolate, but Jesus loves to give those things to me. He says to delight in him and he will give us the desires of our heart. He loves to bring us joy, he loves to provide so much beyond "enough," he gives us enough to share. He gives abundant gifts, gifts that we don't deserve, and he enjoys showering us with blessings. My mindset shouldn't be "Ok, God will give me enough to get me through this..." it should be "God has always and will continue to bless my life, and I never have to worry about the future, because the nature of God is to bless his children with every good and perfect gift." This week I have been given so much more than I could ever imagine, tea and a jembe, and cards and so many things... but so much more than that, I've been showered with every spiritual blessing. 

Declarations

A lot of the depression that I experience is brought about by believing negative things about myself, or allowing myself to believe the lies that satan is telling me. One of the ways that I've been combatting that is by declaring truth over myself. Yesterday my friend talked to Phi Lamb about 2 Corinthians 12:9, which says: " My grace is sufficient in you, my power is made perfect in weakness."

Today I realized that I have no control over these situations. My agency is so very limited. But that God has it all in His hands, and I went boldly before the throne room, and asked him to be perfect in my weakness, and to take these things into His hands.

When I feel out of control, when I feel like my emotions are leading me, instead of me leading my emotions, I say these words over my life:

I have a covenant with God, and by the blood of Jesus I release my divine provision.

My angels are carrying out the Word of God on my behalf. (Psalm 103:20) I expect to have divine appointments today, to run into the right people and to be delivered from the wrong people.

Any adversity, attack, accidents and tragedies that were headed my way are diverted right now in Jesus' name.

I speak to the raging waters in my life; peace, be still. I say to my mind; peace be still. I say to my emotions; peace, be still. I say to my body; peace, be still. I say to my home; peace, be still. I say to my family; PEACE, be still.

Now I speak to every mountain of fear, every mountain of discouragement, every mountain of lack and insufficiency; and I say, "Be removed and cast into the sea in Jesus name!" (Mark 11:22-24)

And I speak to this day and I call you blessed. And I declare that I serve a mighty God who today will do exceedingly and abundantly beyond all that I can ask or thing. (Eph 3:20) I say you are a good God and I eagerly anticipate your goodness today.

Loved.

I got the royal treatment this week. I was so loved on by all my brothers. The Argosy boys cooked us dinner last night. And tonight the Hampton boys cooked us dinner and gave us awards and wrote us notes! It was awesome!

Also, we had our first pledge meeting and it was incredible. We got to talk to the girls about being satisfied in Christ, and how when we are fulfilled in him we are able to appreciate the gifts of others instead of desiring what God has gifted them with. And how we can choose joy, and walk in satisfaction.

It was such a great time and I'm so excited to be a part of their lives. We got to give them roses and a verse and pray purity and righteousness over them... so good!

Stamp of Approval

Last night we took the pledges to Mount Bonell, while looking over the city of Austin we got to sing worship songs.

We might have been freezing our hineys off, but it was so worth it! I'm really excited for this new semester. That was the very best way we could have started it off. So blessed to get to spend every Wednesday with beautiful, godly women! But even as I got to pray for them, I still felt like God was calling me out, and I just wasn't sure what exactly He was trying to say. But then today happened...

Today has been one of those why do you do what you do kind of days. Like God shining the brightest light and using the best magnifying glass and saying, "my beautiful little girl, there are still smudges on you, and I love you, so I want you to shine bright as new." One of my friends has been telling me about his new revelation, this idea that we have already been renewed, and we can walk sinless lives, because Jesus said the old is gone and the new has come. And I mean when you say it, it sounds really awesome. But man, to live that way just sounds impossible! But if its possible to live a life without sin... I want it! I want my every motivation to be Christ. I don't want to do anything out of a desire for approval. I think as a woman, in women's ministry, its pretty easy to get caught up in wanting women to approve! But Jesus has called me lovely and worthy. And he approved me!

I've come to realize what an intense need I have to work to make God love me. I realized that I didn't think I was good enough just as I am for anyone to like me. When someone just enjoys me, I often wonder, "whats wrong with them?" Seriously, satan has so twisted my mind into believing I am unworthy of God's love that I've transferred those thoughts to all of humanity. But the thing is, God's love is free. In The Father Heart of God, he talks about bringing his wife flowers, and he says if he brought them to her and she went to her wallet to pay for them, he would be so hurt, all he wants is for her to accept his love and love him back. So often with God I try to pay him back for His love. But He is showering me with flowers, because He loves me, and He doesn't want anything in return, He is just romancing me.

On a lighter note... Earlier I was blessed enough to go on an adventure with my Hampton Family and why yes, I did chase after a Dodge Ram on foot. The gang and I were pulling into P Terry's parking lot and witnessed this bad ass truck run into a little Honda Civic. Obviously we all expected him to stop and find the owner... but he didn't! So I chased him down and wrote down his license plate number to give to the Honda's owner. I'm sure it was a rather amusing sight :p On our way back home we had a dance party to Pocahontas Dub Step, curtesy of Robert. I have the weirdest/best friends ever.

I have been blessed. I am blessed. I will continue to be blessed.

I have spent many years in trials. I struggled with depression and anorexia. I spent my senior year with my hair falling out, on an emotional Grave's Disease roller coaster losing my memory and sleeping. Coming home from England was a season of loneliness and my first year of college I got Celiac's and fibromyalgia. Pain is something that has become ordinary for me. I have become accustomed to learning about who God is through trial. I see each new set of hurtles as a time of refinement. But God has given me a beautiful word. He said "Shirelle, this is a season of blessings!"

So I'm claiming the blessings. I recently watched a movie called "Thank you, More Please." Now the acting in the movie was sub-par and the plot was just so-so, but there is a scene in it, in which the girl describes the moment when her life changed, when she learned to thank someone for blessing them, and then to ask for more. And I don't know how that works with the rest of the world, but what I do know, is that is exactly how God wants me to respond to his gracious gifts. So Jesus, Thank you, more please!

I'm ready to learn about who Jesus is in this new context. I believe I will have greater revelation of Jesus than in any other season of my life. I have been refined in pain, and now I will be refined in blessings!

Just this week I have been so blessed! My friend Liz sent me an iphone and now I can actually talk to my family! My sister gave me 5 new bags of clothes on a day when I was not feeling pretty, and i've gotten to wear new clothes every day, and bless my roommates with clothes. Multiple friends have let me drive their cars, paid for coffee, made me food and loved on me through my crazy test week.

I am a beloved daughter of the most high king. And I'm so very grateful to all those who are walking through this season with me. I pray that each of you would more fully know who Jesus is because of the revelations and blessings he gives you this year!