I was walking away from my Philosophy test (which I actually did ok on) this morning carrying flowers and chocolates and a sweet card from my dear friend Elle and I was thinking about how I don't deserve all the blessings that have been heaped on me this week. Seriously, all week people have been giving me flowers and chocolate and coffee and buying me lunches and dinners and just treating me like a Princess. There is no way that I am a good enough friend to deserve all of these things! I started thinking about all the ways in which I had failed to be a good friend, and was just so amazed that people still love me and wanted to bless me on my birthday.
Then it dawned on me... "This is how I'm supposed to feel all the time!" I don't deserve eternal life, I didn't deserve the blood of Jesus and his unfailing love. In spite of who I am he gave it to me, and loves me fully. He cloaks me in righteousness and its because of who he is that I get to live life experiencing joy. Just like I didn't do anything to deserve gifts from my friends and family, but they chose to bless me anyways, I haven't done anything to deserve Jesus, and he did it anyways. Because I didn't do anything to earn his love, I can't do anything to lose his love. I've been walking around feeling like I'm just failing everyone and everything, and that people are disappointed in me... but the truth is, Jesus chose to cloak me in his unfailing love and he's not disappointed in me, in fact, he's proud of me. Everyday I should feel overwhelmed at the gifts that have been given to me. Everyday I should be filled with gratitude that Jesus loves me, and I should be filled with joy. I don't know why I ever fear that I won't have enough, that I won't be provided for... Not only does Jesus provide the meat and potatoes, the necessities of life, but he showers us with chocolate and wine and all the good gifts. He doesn't just give us the bare necessities to survive, he provides abundant life.
I have been walking around with this mindset that "Jesus will give me what I need to get through this, he'll give me enough energy to get through this sickness, he'll give me the grades I need to go where he wants me to go, he'll provide the job I need..." and those things are true, he will provide all that I need, but he provides so much more than just what I "need." I don't need flowers and chocolate, but Jesus loves to give those things to me. He says to delight in him and he will give us the desires of our heart. He loves to bring us joy, he loves to provide so much beyond "enough," he gives us enough to share. He gives abundant gifts, gifts that we don't deserve, and he enjoys showering us with blessings. My mindset shouldn't be "Ok, God will give me enough to get me through this..." it should be "God has always and will continue to bless my life, and I never have to worry about the future, because the nature of God is to bless his children with every good and perfect gift." This week I have been given so much more than I could ever imagine, tea and a jembe, and cards and so many things... but so much more than that, I've been showered with every spiritual blessing.